Disclaimer: The title of this post only makes sense if you’ve seen The Princess Bride. Also, if you haven’t seen the princess bride, go fix that.
Here is where the real post begins.
Marriage, dating, and healthy christian relationships are things I’ve always felt strongly about. I would even give myself credit and say I’m more wise about those topics than your average high schooler. So here’s my two cents.
First off, I wanted to say I’ve never been in a “real” relationship. I’ve dated two boys my entire life, and I use the term “dated” loosely. I dated the first boy in eighth grade, and I dated the second boy when I was in ninth grade and he was in eighth. Both times the boy went to a different school, and because no 14 year old can drive, I only saw them about once a week. I dated them both for selfish reasons, mainly just to have the title of being a “girlfriend” and having a “boyfriend.” I guess my love life doesn’t make me sound like a love expert, but I’ll get there.
Although both “relationships” were short lived and shallow, I did learn a lot from them. Both boys were christian, and active church goers, which is why I dated them in the first place, despite selfish reasons. Both boys were good guys with good intentions, so I thought that was good enough, right? Wrong. Unfortunately this is where a majority of young christians go terribly, terribly wrong. In fact, that was the fatal mistake my own parents made, which now, over 20 years later, has lead to a mediocre marriage filled with lack of communication and frustration.
There’s this verse, 2nd corinthians 6:14, that pretty much says don’t be unequally yoked. No, not an egg yolk. Yoke. (Google can help you out with this word.) Anyway, what it means is don’t enter into a relationship with someone who is at a different place in their walk with Christ than you. For the longest time I thought this verse just meant don’t date boys who aren’t christian, the end. In fact, that’s not what it means at all. It means so much more.
There was this boy who I met at church camp one year. He was perfect in my eyes. He was cute, he knew all the right things to win a girls heart, and most importantly I met him at church camp and his dad was a pastor. I knew he believed in God and I thought that was enough. Somewhere along the path of liking this boy I started really living out my faith, preaching in my youth group, and in this time period I was even called into ministry. I would try and talk to this boy about how his walk of faith was going, and he would just make excuses as to why it hadn’t been a priority in his life. It was really frustrating. I don’t know how or when, but somewhere in the midst of fawning over him I realized I was completely unequally yoked. I never dated him, but I realized even wasting emotions on him was detrimental to my walk of faith. He was in no way drawing me closer to Christ, and when it came down to it, I was putting him over HIM.
This is a common trap many christians fall into. It is very easy to idolize someone who you can hug, kiss, and talk to, rather than the God who loved us way before we even met this other person. You have to make a daily effort to put Christ at the center of any relationship and I can promise you it is IMPOSSIBLE if there is not an equal effort from both partners.
When my parents were dating my dad would go to church with my mom. She (like me in my past) just checked “Christian” off a mental list and ended up marrying the guy. Sometime during the marriage my dad stopped going to church with my mom, and she was not happy about it, but there was no changing his mind. Now, over 20 years and two kids later, there are detrimental effects. There are arguments on how to raise us kids spiritually. My dad does not support my mom going to honduras with me this summer. There’s arguments on sunday mornings because my dad refuses to go to church. There’s frustration within me because I want to be a pastor, but my dad doesn’t understand why. Although I never knew my father when he went to church, I fully believe that there is no way he could have been in a Christ centered relationship with my mom at any point in time because as Galatians 4:9 says, once you know God, and are known by God, how can you possibly go back?
Okay so I know I got a little off track there, jumping straight to marriage and all, but the entire point of dating is for marriage. There’s a quote I like to remember that says “Dating without intent for marriage is like going to the store with no money. You either leave dissatisfied, or you take something that isn’t yours.” Although you’re probably not going to marry your high school sweetheart, what’s even the point of dating someone if you can’t stand the thought of being married to them? Why would you date a guy who won’t lead you like Jesus lead the church, and why date a girl who isn’t honorable and Proverbs 31 standards?
Now, back to me. I, Kimberly Furcron, at 17 years of age have never had a relationship that fits that description. I have never met a guy who loves me, but continues to love God more. Why? Because dating with these standards is hard. Ever since getting over that boy from camp I have created 4 standards. Just four. They are certainly obtainable, but they are high.
1. You gotta love God. A lot. More than me.
2. We have to get along. I’m not saying get along as in we are barely able to stand being around each other, but get along like chemistry.(Laughing at my jokes helps in this department.)
3. You have to be intelligent. You don’t have to have straight A’s and get accepted into Harvard. I’m not even talking book smarts. I just can’t stand being around people who know nothing and have no aim in life.
4. I have to be physically attracted to you. Again, I’m not asking my future husband to look like Channing Tatum. Physical attraction is just what catches peoples attention. Here’s the great thing though, if you fit into 1, 2, and 3, I probably already find you attractive.
I’m not going to lie, having high standards of a man makes dating difficult. Trust me, you’re talking to the girl who was called into ministry at 16, and who refuses to date anyone who loves God less than her. Do you know how many teenage boys love God more than a girl who has her heart set on being a pastor? Not many. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s been fun being the eternally single friend. It’s not fun when you’re the 5th wheel, and without a date at prom or homecoming, but it is so so so worth it. I urge every single person reading this to date by these standards. I know the payoff is so worth the wait, I’ve seen it in other couples. It’s a beautiful and rare thing to have high self esteem and high standards. It makes you like a unicorn or something really special.
I hope this enlightened someone. It took a long time to get all my thoughts out. This honestly doesn’t even cover everything, I could probably write a book, but the main thing to remember is 2nd Corinthians 6:14 and the importance of it.